James Blunt

Please also select your country:

Confirm your location by clicking on the relevant flag above.

Do not show me this message again.



Home       Members    Calendar
Welcome Guest ( Login | Register )
        


««123»»

Just spotted James Expand / Collapse
Author
Message
Posted 23 December 2009 01:51


Supreme Being

Supreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme Being

Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 11 November 2017 14:32
Posts: 5,460, Visits: 1,578
Looks like a party in here. Yes, we are just high on life. Don't need anything else.
Post #21081
Posted 23 December 2009 17:45


Supreme Being

Supreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme Being

Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Yesterday @ 12:12
Posts: 2,443, Visits: 5,489
Did anyone have a sore head this morning? x
Post #21082
Posted 23 December 2009 18:33


Supreme Being

Supreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme Being

Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 04 April 2012 00:40
Posts: 480, Visits: 440
wkdnic & themuse.....you guys crack me up....thanks. :-)
Post #21083
Posted 24 December 2009 10:44
Supreme Being

Supreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme Being

Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 14 August 2017 21:44
Posts: 599, Visits: 33
Yes I'm still alive - yes it took me a day to log back in - Luckily the bottle was only 1/4 full so I started drinking egg nog instead. Yummy but ooh so rich.

Anyway back to the thread topic.....lets alter it to interesting stories that Blunty might be in....
Post #21084
Posted 24 December 2009 11:58


Supreme Being

Supreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme Being

Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Yesterday @ 12:12
Posts: 2,443, Visits: 5,489
Am thinking.
Unfortunately trying to think of stories Blunty might be in are tending towards fantasies. I'll try and think of something that's not rude.
Please no more chopping off fingers or any other body parts. x
Post #21085
Posted 24 December 2009 17:53


Supreme Being

Supreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme Being

Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Yesterday @ 12:12
Posts: 2,443, Visits: 5,489
So,
James had been to the party of the year. All the great and the good of celebrity society were there Liam Gallagher, Lily Allen, The Cheeky Girls and everyone. James had let his beard grow a bit and went as Santa. The party was fantastic, mistletoe everywhere and all the ladies complimented James on his beard. There must have been one hundred tables and James danced on them all.
By 4am James had had his fill of fun and now had to get home for Christmas.
Dashing from the party he hailed a taxi to the train station. Although he was slightly sloshed James still managed to follow his Christmas tradition of picking up his fan mail from Blythe road.
At the train station he pulled his santa hat down so as not to be recognised and struggling with his sacks of fan mail he boarded the first class carriage. The carriage was deserted so James settled in for the long journey home.
Along the way the weather worsened but James was oblivious to this fact as he had nodded off. James was rudely awakened from his delicious dreams of mistletoe by a sudden jolting and juddering.
'How rude' thought he. James peered out of the window but could see nothing as it was still dark. By this time the train had come to a halt.
'Damn and blast' he thought. 'Now I'll never get home before Mum and Dad get up, doesn't this train know it has got a superstar on board.' He would have to go and tell someone immediately.
Dragging his sacks with him he tries to open the door to the next carriage but it won't budge.
Just then a voice came over the tannoy system.
"We apologise for any inconveniance but due to adverse weather conditions everything seems to have frozen. We are working on this and will resume our onward journey shortly."
James sat down and tried to think what to do. Grabbing his phone he thought he could alert someone to his predicament. No battery. This was getting serious. Pulling out his laptop he powers it up then curses his useless dongle as no service is available. James panics and runs up and down the carriage a number of times. Whilst tipping his head back and screaming (not in any way like a girl) he notices a hatch on the roof of the carriage.
James climbs up onto the seats and pushes at the hatch. It flings open and a breath of icy air rushes in. He squeezes first one sack then the other through the hatch and follows closely behind. The top of the train is covered in snow and a blizzard rages around him but James valiantly pushes on. He leaps the divide between the two carriages, with one sack over each shoulder, and lands neatly due to all the skiing practice he's had.
With his sacks in one hand he searches with the other hand for the hatch. Just as he thought his frozen fingers might incurr some serious damage he found it.
After knocking (he was brought up with manners) he opens the hatch and climbs down into the, not first class, carriage.
Thirty or so small round faces all stare at him wide eyed then gasp in unison "Father Christmas".
Post #21086
Posted 24 December 2009 18:02
Supreme Being

Supreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme Being

Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 14 August 2017 21:44
Posts: 599, Visits: 33
Well since 'you' mentioned other body parts...you have just given me an idea.

James was feeling festive sipping Egg nog in 'a camp but its Christmas' cocktail glass. ....

Edit - sorry I missed the story earlier, v. good! I will try and continue....
Post #21087
Posted 24 December 2009 18:17


Supreme Being

Supreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme Being

Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Yesterday @ 12:12
Posts: 2,443, Visits: 5,489
*puts fingers in ears and sings loudly*
Post #21088
Posted 26 December 2009 12:44
Supreme Being

Supreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme Being

Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 14 August 2017 21:44
Posts: 599, Visits: 33
So ... the thirty or so small round faces stare at him wide eyed, until James breaks the silence by jumping down onto a unmade bed inside the carriage and then sitting cross-legged (his favourite position) he pulls back his hoodie he reveals his forty-eight hour shadow, hair and beard growth.

James whips out his handy foldaway guitar that he pulls from his pocket and begins strumming the Pink Panther...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6fr7JpjYXY&NR=1

Wow! The kids cried out in unison - definately not expecting a man with 3ft long dreds and talent to boot jumping in on them on a dull Xmas day.
The kids were spell bound as they watched and listened to the tune being plucked from at this point, a rather alcohol-pickled body.
"Do you want to hear my latest songs from the third album?"
A cheeky ginger-haired small child pluckily pipes up - 'No but can you do the 'Dangermouse' theme tune?'
Through gritted 'American white' teeth James swifty changes the subject, asking the little gingernut boy "So have you been a good boy this year?"
"Lets see what Santa's got in the post huh?"
James picked a letter at random out of his large sack hoping to find something pink and frilly to offer to the small boy as a makeshift firing device.
There was no such bounty in this one..."Dear Mr Blount we would like to offer you the special rate platimum zero credit card...."
Groaning James did what he always did with these silly offers -pulling out the self addressed reply envelope and regurgitated a half eaten 'pigs in blanket' canape and sealed the envelope.
"Don't do, what I do, children"
"What about signing up for the mailing opt -out preference service?" quipped the ginger boy.
"Like I have time for that" he pondered to himself considering how many concerts, recording sessions and unrefusable social celeb events, but made a mental note nevertheless...
Post #21089
Posted 26 December 2009 21:39


Supreme Being

Supreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme Being

Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Yesterday @ 12:12
Posts: 2,443, Visits: 5,489
So...
After James had handed out all the mail from his huge sacks the train carriage looked like an explosion in an Anne Summers factory. Luckily this year the trend in fan mail seemed to be chocolate so all the thirty little round faces were now sporting chocolate beards to rival James' 48hr shadow.
When the sugar rush kicked in everyone jumped up and down on the unmade bed and swang from the multitude of DD bra's hanging from the luggage racks.
Just as the sugar rush was waning a voice came over the tannoy system
"It has been brought to our attention that we have a superstar on board, not just any superstar (an M&S superstar) but James Blunt, every effort is now being made to get to our destinations as quickly as possible."
A huge cheer ricocheted throughout the train.
James was anxious to get home but was also a little bit sad because it would have been the perfect excuse for getting out of going to Jedwards party.
Post #21090
Posted 27 December 2009 20:43
Supreme Being

Supreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme Being

Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 14 August 2017 21:44
Posts: 599, Visits: 33
...Jedward were ok its just that he didn't like the fact they were young enough to be his twin son, lovechildren by Cindy Lauper (she always has mad hair).

Anyway..to pass the time James decided to 'get down with the kids' he would connect with them the only thing that really made them bond as school boys, he would impart some kindly older brother advice, as James had a much experience in these matters, a good old yarn about the fairer sex, but then backed out and retold an old anecdote, a legendary story about a hero ....

"Once upon a time - on a snowy night in Canada, much like tonight a young English man by the name of 'Dave' was staying in a hotel. He was on his way out of his room and took the lift. An attractive young lady also joined him on downward journey in the lift - or 'elevator' as our Canadians cousins call them.

Unfortunately there was a power-cut and the lift stopped, so young Dave and the attractive young lady were stuck in the lift together. Dave pressed the panic button but at this time of year he feared it might be some time that someone would get to him. Minutes ticked away...Dave was stuck between floors, trapped, and to make matters worse....Dave needed to use the lavatory badly. His forehead began to perspire...
(Cue dramatic music)

Poor Dave couldn't embarrass himself in a lift, let alone in front of an attractive lady...and in a confined space with no toilet paper or a wash basin or hotel standard extraction fan.

Dave was going to take matters into his own hands....

Dave summoned his superhuman strength and ... prised open the lift doors with his own bare hands. He managed to squeeze through the gap and ran as fast as his legs could carry him down the stairs to reception to get help, but before he did so he spent 10 mins or so detouring in the reception loos.

But Dave saved the day....and the lady was so happy to have been rescued from the lift. She never knew how or why he managed to open the doors with his bare hands...but it doesn't matter, Dave is still a hero.

So boys did you like that story?"
Post #21091
Posted 27 December 2009 21:31


Supreme Being

Supreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme Being

Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Yesterday @ 12:12
Posts: 2,443, Visits: 5,489
All the boys had fallen asleep except the little ginger one who smiled and clapped and said "I don't understand?" then picked his nose.
James rested his hands on his crossed legs and said sagely to the little boy
"Don't do what I do, and always make sure you have someone to ask if you need the loo before setting out on a journey."
Just then the train started moving. James lay back on the unmade bed and the little ginger boy wiped his bogey on the duvet cover and lay down at James' feet.
Post #21092
Posted 28 December 2009 08:30
Supreme Being

Supreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme Being

Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 14 August 2017 21:44
Posts: 599, Visits: 33
James was considering posting that story on http://www.fmylife.com/. The site was a collection of anecdotes of anonymous individuals sharing their woes at their expense for the benefit of mankind. A friend recommended it when they were discussing the vicissitudes of life. "They always believe the Daily Mail as if it was the 5th gospel" was one of his friends concerns, but James knew it could be a lot worse after chuckling and gasping in horror at some poor souls life experience.

The ginger boy covered his face with his hands pretending to be asleep but still peeking through the gaps between his chubby cherub fingers. He watched as James fell into a deep sleep, and just like a dog he began dreaming and making odd dreaming movements - but not running on all fours like a dog but his hands tinkering on a piano, and his mouth twitching as he sang in dreaming world.

.....

James was also dreaming about the ones he loved, "what can I get the lovely Billy for a belated Xmas present?" he thought to himself. I know... a dance mat and a Wii and then he can practise his disco moves at home, perfecting them before he goes clubbing in some dirty but uber trendy bar in the East End. He planned to show him how to do the "Flymo" - a version of the 'Lawnmower' http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0ca7c3FSmc
Its related to the lawnmower but easier to do and it would show of Billy's sexy 'snake hips' very well, and offering him a good workout at the same time.
James pondered "All that time stuck behind a computer screen with just Earl Grey tea and biccies, to reward himself whilst working tirelessly in the studio sewing James's T-shirts with 'This belongs to James Blount - but its pronounced 'Blunt'' name labels in case he lost one somewhere on his international touring and God forbid the airline rang up and mispronounced his name."

Then his mind shifted to another subject pressing on his mind for quite some time....
Post #21093
Posted 28 December 2009 17:37


Supreme Being

Supreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme Being

Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Yesterday @ 12:12
Posts: 2,443, Visits: 5,489
So...
In James' dream he was sitting at the piano singing such a heartfelt song.
When he looked out on the audience he couldn't believe it, not some immense arena, but a small, dark intimate room. He was doing a private performance. He carried on singing being the pro he is. As he sang the part about being cut and raped he was looking directly into the eyes of The Queen
It got worse. As it was a dream James realised he hadn't done his pre performance fly check.
The next song in the dream set-list was the classicYou're Beautiful. James zipped up his fly, then in a dreamlike way, swopped piano for guitar.
Panic began to rise. This was the song where James chose to sing to one lucky lady in the audience.
The second chorus was fast approaching and James knew he would have to do it. He gritted his 'oh so american white' teeth and took a few paces towards the front of the stage.
This dream soon turned into a nightmare when James realised all his clothes had disappeared, luckily, the guitar covered his embaressment.
On the unmade bed James' head rolled from side to side and he muttered something about being beautiful.
Dream James carried on regardless and quite took The Queems breath away when he dazzled her with his dazzlimg smile.
The performance came to an end and James backed off that stage quicker than he had ever done in his life.
There was no encore for The Queen, how could James sing Annie to The Queen, only James and a select few knew The Queens pet name was Annie.
The Queen was not amused.
Post #21094
Posted 28 December 2009 18:21
Supreme Being

Supreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme Being

Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 14 August 2017 21:44
Posts: 599, Visits: 33
James wok up 10 minutes from his stop...somewhere in the rural shires where people turn a blind eye to fancying your cousin, and blind eyes are common from the strength of cider in these parts.

The little ginger boy remarked at James unrestful sleep and offered him his Collins pocket guide to dreaming...

Naked: You are trying to be something you are not. You may be hiding something and are afraid that others can see right through you.

Queen: To see a queen in your dream, symbolizes intuition, personal growth, power and influence. The queen is also a symbol for your mother.

Fascinating...he thought and then bade the school children farewell as he departed the station and gave a bell for his lift on speedial. On the cold dark snowy night at the station whilst waiting - he spied something stange in the bushes...
Post #21095
Posted 28 December 2009 18:42


Supreme Being

Supreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme Being

Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Yesterday @ 12:12
Posts: 2,443, Visits: 5,489
Too funny x
Post #21096
Posted 29 December 2009 01:16


Supreme Being

Supreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme Being

Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Yesterday @ 12:12
Posts: 2,443, Visits: 5,489
laying in the bushes was an ancient looking brass lamp, like any you might see at a pantomime of Aladdin.
James bent down and picked it up. Stroking his beard with one hand he comes up with a cunning plan.
Pantomime, that was it.
James speed dialled his agent and asked what was available....
Post #21097
Posted 29 December 2009 13:11
Supreme Being

Supreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme Being

Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 14 August 2017 21:44
Posts: 599, Visits: 33
Gruffly his agent Tyler Heightwodge (or Tightwadge as James called him) answered the phone...chuffing away on his Monte Cristo cigar...and fingering his ear holes effeminately making a tell-tale squeezing noise down the phone.

"What! Panto you say...!" sucking in a large breath like builders do when they are about to fleece you senseless.

"Well luckily for you - I have two last minute openings....there is the part of Prince Charming. Kanye-West is playing the evil step-mother and guess who is playing Cinderella? - the lovely Taylor Swift as the fair maiden. Extra long kissing scenes can be arranged provided you do a country duet Xmas CD promo track together?"

"I'm not sure, Country could be the death of me...what about the other part?" pondered James.

The beloved Christopher Biggins just broke his leg on the ice outside the pie shop, luckily he had just bought a dozen so he didn't suffer until the ambulance came, but it means that he can't play the panto dame"

"Its a hard choice but panto dame it is!"

"Great stuff Blunty, so 50% of your fee and no profit rights then"

"Do I get to wear heels?"

"6 inches but made to look like 3- from the guy in Milan that does Tom Cruise and Simon Cowells special shoes"

"Do I get to keep all the part's multiple costume outfits"

"Er why?"

"Look I'll up for fee to 60%, just stop asking questions ok?"

"Remember I managed to let Paris Hilton down gently with freebie VIP tickets to the first mall on the moon, when she repeatedly asked to do that duet..." and then irritatingly Tyler started humming..... "Stars are blind....doodoo..doo.doo..doo doo doo doo,... doodoo..."

"Alright....please!"
Post #21098
Posted 29 December 2009 14:56


Supreme Being

Supreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme Being

Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Yesterday @ 12:12
Posts: 2,443, Visits: 5,489
special shoes- pmsl.
Will try to continue.....
Post #21099
Posted 30 December 2009 16:32


Supreme Being

Supreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme Being

Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Yesterday @ 12:12
Posts: 2,443, Visits: 5,489
so...
On his way home James stopped by the newsagents to get Biggins a get well card, and all the dailies to see if he was in any of them, he needed something to remind him what he'd been up tp the night before.
When James got home Chuck was in the kitchen making tea.
"Well done son, see I told you all those cd's your Mum bought would be an investment in the end." said Chuck.
James danced a little celabatory dance and sang "I'm the noughty king, oh yeah, oh yeah."
Chuck just gave him 'that look'."Don't get too carried away we've got other problems to deal with!"
"Oh no!" said James "has that stalker been going through the bins again?" It wasn't until then that James noticed the shotgun in the crook of Chucks arm.
"No son, worse, didn't you see them on the front lawn?"
"Who?" said James peering through the nets.
"The gypsies are back!" said Chuck "I went out there early this morning with my shotgun, at first they thought there was going to be a wedding when they realised I meant business they set the dogs on me."
"OMG!" said James whilst simultaneously doing the omg hand movements to emphasise the point "Are you allright Dad?"
"Yes, luckily, the viscious jack russell with the red neckerchief gave me a nasty nip on the ankle and I think the labradoodle took a bit of a shine to me." Said Chuck lifting up his trouser leg to show James the big plaster on his ankle.
"OMG!" said James again but this time he didn't do the hand signals.
James ran up the stairs and searched through his wardrobe for his old combats. He spent ages looking for the camo cream but in the end had to go au naturel.
James wandered among the caravans but there seemed little sign of life. He came across one doorway that was open so he marched up the steps, drew back the beeded curtain and entered the caravan. Sitting at the table drinking tea was a gypsy rose lee type, head scarf and everything. She smiled at James and said "Would you like your fortune told?"
James was about to give her a piece of his mind but her smile somewhat distracted him. Without realising what he was doing James sat down at the table opposite her.
"Shuffle the cards for me?" She said.
Once shuffled the cards were laid out on the table, worryingly the fortune teller shook her head, tutted and made a secret sign against evil.
"I see much talent here." she said pointing at a card "and this card signifies great wealth maybe your much maligned voice will make you a superstar one day?"
James scoffed "you're just saying that because you know who I am!"
"Of course I know who you are, I'm psychic, you're Josh Groban and I must say you are a lot better looking in the flesh." said the fortune teller. James was a bit lost for words for a second.
"What about love?" James asked her.
"Well it's a bit early in the day but thanks for offering." She looked into the cards. "You see that card there, the two of cups, that's your soul mate. You will meet her someday soon and you will know her the instant your eyes meet."
"How will I know her? Asked James.
"she is from the long noble line of Iziah's, practically royalty, and when you look into her eyes you will notice that one is slightly higher than the other!"
Post #21100
Posted 30 December 2009 19:21


Supreme Being

Supreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme Being

Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 2 days ago @ 17:59
Posts: 8,945, Visits: 6,241
Don't stop girls, i'm absolutely glued to this LMAO! x
Post #21101
Posted 30 December 2009 20:08


Supreme Being

Supreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme Being

Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Yesterday @ 12:12
Posts: 2,443, Visits: 5,489
Thanks lonelydancer x
Post #21102
Posted 31 December 2009 13:09
Supreme Being

Supreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme Being

Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 14 August 2017 21:44
Posts: 599, Visits: 33
LMAO "Well it's a bit early in the day but thanks for offering."
Post #21103
Posted 31 December 2009 15:40


Supreme Being

Supreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme Being

Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Yesterday @ 12:12
Posts: 2,443, Visits: 5,489
Thanks Muse, glad I make you laugh xx
Post #21104
Posted 02 January 2010 13:23
Supreme Being

Supreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme Being

Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 14 August 2017 21:44
Posts: 599, Visits: 33
Yeah very funny - I just got the shotgun wedding reference whilst re-reading it.

.......

"Mmm....one eye slightly higher than the other..."

Whilst flicking through the pages impatiently....James remarked, "Wow this caravan is kinda cool - you know I spend so much time on the road I think I prefer it...rolling stone...very romantic eh? the life of a gypsy - all you need is a guitar and a fire"

James pulled out his laptop and began scanning Myface.com, for unusual eyes. Any name to go with that? I have got my first rehearsal later today and my record for putting on tights without running ladders first time is one of my New Years resolutions"

"No. 'Iziah' is your only hint"

"Oh come on pretty please?"

The fortune teller started shooing him out of the caravan -"well there is one errand that I need help with...."

"Anything ....!"

"Very well - I need someone to baby sit my two nieces.... tonight"

"What - New Years Eve! Noooo wayyyyy, New Years eve parties are the best chance for me to meet someone and besides when else can I wear what I feel inside! I can't wear a chicken outfit to the Q-Awards even though I want to"

"Very well" and she slammed the door shut trapping James pinky finger in the door.

"Wait!!!!" rapidly tapping on the door.

"What!"the door burst open.

"James looked at his sad reflection in the mouldy algae-greenish window grimacing showing his top teeth, about to say the F-word...."Ffffff fankyou it would be my pleasure"
Post #21105
Posted 02 January 2010 14:17
Supreme Being

Supreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme Being

Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 14 August 2017 21:44
Posts: 599, Visits: 33
Later that day - James popped back to the 'van'

In the distance the caravan was rocking, like two staffie bull puppies were inside redecorating. The fortune teller was heading towards him outside...

James questioned helpfully "What time do you want them in bed?"

In a fluster,.. the fortune teller was rapidly exiting down the field....laughing and calling back "Well don't feed them after midnight and if they get too much just stick them in the cage out back" and with that she was gone.

The caravan was still rocking - Although he thought she was joking James checked and there was no cage behind the van.

"Pheww!"

Politely knocking....the tremors from the van ceased and a mass of wayward hair and war-like mud camoflage and a pair of twinkling stones opened the caravan door...

"Would you like an ice lolly?" the little girl released the headlock on her older sister on the doorway footwell and hurried to the icebox producing three rocket lollies smacking her sister on the floor with the fridge door.

"So do you have any homework or want to watch tv?" James inquired licking the lolly thinking it would be a breeze since he had two younger sisters after all.

The eldest one replied "I'm Rainbow and this is my sister Moonbeam" shoving Moonbeam for the earlier escapade. "Well we don't watch tv and we don't go to school.... so have you got any fireworks?"

"I'm James, pleased to meet you both.... Er no, not on me"

"Well then...will you buy some for us?"Moonbeam demanded looking as if to about to launch in a tantrum if he declined.

James was thinking to himself this was going to be the toughest gig to date.
"Look, why don't we play a nice game instead?"
Post #21106
Posted 01 March 2012 19:42


Supreme Being

Supreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme Being

Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Yesterday @ 12:12
Posts: 2,443, Visits: 5,489
James was sat in yet another airport departure lounge. This time, however, it felt different.
There was no John to tell jokes, no Beardy to have deep and random conversations with, no Karl to help pass the time discussing the scenery, no Ben to tease, no Malcolm to chill with and most of all no Bobble or his wise words of wisdom. James felt a little lost without his brothers in arms he missed them already.
James was never completely alone though he always had his little monkey with him. James looked to his left and there he sat the monkey on his shoulder. James smiled at his monkey and the monkey smiled back but then James noticed the monkey seemed different. James looked a little closer at his monkey and realised his crown was no longer on his head.
“Why have you taken off your crown?” James asked the monkey.
“Isn’t that obvious?” Retorts the cheeky little chap.
“Obviously not!” Says James “Otherwise I wouldn’t have asked would I?”
The monkey holds up a tiny little suitcase and shows the contents including his crown to James.
“Newsflash! The tour is over!” The monkey says somewhat sarcastically. “I am just waiting with you until it’s time for your flight then I’m off in the other direction to live it up in the Caribbean.”
James sits there with his mouth open just staring at his monkey. A concerned member of staff approaches James and gently asks if he is okay. James smiles at the pretty lady and reassures her everything is fine he just had a bit of a shock from his monkey is all.
James sits and thinks for a while and every now and then he would look at his little friend and every time he did so the monkey would smile at him. James contemplated phoning Bobble and asking if the monkey was allowed to go A.W.O.L. now the tour was over but then James remembered Bobble was now touring with the Go-See’s and he might have his hands full. James also thought about phoning his management company to dig out the monkey’s contract and see if this was allowed but these were only fleeting thoughts and he didn’t act on them. James turned and looked at the monkey sitting there with a smile on his face and his little suitcase all ready to go.
James thought about all the time he and the monkey had shared. James knew he had given the poor little fellow a hard time to begin with but that had passed and James had more than made it up to him since, it’s not like the cheeky little chap would ever let him forget.
“Why do you want to go on holiday?” James finally asked breaking the silence.
“Well even though the pay is peanuts I have been sat on your shoulder for a few years now and those peanuts have matured. I planted them all on a little island in the Caribbean and now I have a beautiful peanut plantation it seems like the right time to reap what I’ve been sowing all these years.” The monkey replied.
James was incredulous he had no idea all this had been going on behind his back, well, on his shoulder as it would seem. Over the years James and his monkey had become so close that most of the time words weren’t even necessary. They were two halves of one whole. They had gone through everything together and always been there for each other.
The little monkey knows there is something troubling James but the clever little monkey also knows that it is no good trying to force the issue so he sits and watches and waits. They sit side by side in companionable silence each lost in their own, if not surprisingly similar, turmoil of thoughts.
The little monkey heard the ticking of the clock and desperately tried to think of something to say to James. The monkey didn’t want to leave James, especially not like this, but he somehow felt incomplete travelling through life on someone else’s shoulder. Of course if James asked him he would stay, no doubt about it, but the monkey wasn’t even sure that was what James wanted. The monkey felt like James was a part of him and to be parted would be like having the biggest and best bit of his life taken away. The monkey loved James unconditionally.
A loud “BING BONG!” made them both jump as James’ flight was now ready to board. James doesn’t move for a few seconds and when he does he just turns his head to the left. The little monkey doesn’t move either. James stands up and still the monkey doesn’t move.
“This is it then?” James says to his little monkey. The monkey just nods. Then James starts singing ‘Goodbye My Lover’ and the monkey jumps down onto a chair
They look at each other, no words are necessary, a single tear rolls down the poor little monkey’s cheek. James takes a deep breath and turns away.
The monkey can only watch as James walks away. If only James had said something or shown some sign of what he was thinking or feeling. However the monkey knew as well as you and I the uselessness of ‘if onlys’.
James reached half way across the departure lounge and he turned and looked back at his monkey.
The little monkey smiled hoping for a miracle.
James waved and then turned and continued towards the boarding gate. He reached the desk without giving in to the temptation to look around at the eyes he could feel boring into his back. James handed his passport and ticket over to be checked. James was oblivious to the strange looks the staff were giving him. The lady who had been so concerned earlier was now checking James’ passport very thoroughly and James waited for the usual reaction of “Oh my God! Etc. You’re James Blunt! Blah, blah, blah!” So he was only half listening when instead he was asked who he was waving to.
“My Monkey.” Said James whilst trying his hardest not to cry.
“I just need to check something I won’t keep you a moment Sir.” The nice airline lady said as she walked away. She was right too, momentarily; she came back accompanied by two security guards.
“Sir, there appears to be a slight problem with your passport. You will have to go with these gentlemen and I’m sure they will clear everything up for you.” She informed James.
With one security guard holding each arm James was practically carried away from the departure gate. James looked back over his now empty shoulder but couldn’t even get a glimpse of his monkey this agitated James and he started to put up a struggle. At that very same moment a little suitcase came flying through the air and hit one of the security guards right in the head.
All hell then broke loose as James struggled with the guards and in all the kerfuffle a little voice whispered in James’ ear “Let’s do a runner!”
So James ran.
Eventually when it was safe he stopped.
“I can’t leave you alone for two minutes without you getting into some kind of trouble can I?” The monkey asked rhetorically.
“For a moment there I thought it was gonna be back to Bedlam for me.” James chuckled.
They both laughed heartily, The joke wasn’t that funny though, maybe it was relief at being together again.
“so what are we going to do now then?” James asked his monkey.
The monkey King just grinned and said,
“Do you like peanut butter?”
Post #210263
Posted 11 March 2012 22:32
Supreme Being

Supreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme Being

Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 14 August 2017 21:44
Posts: 599, Visits: 33
“I love it. Of course I only eat it in my dreams, though, but you know that!” James winked back. “Or maybe this is the dream now…and I am really a peanut-eating taxpaying pleb in waking life.”
The Monkey King narrowed his eyes, giving a deathly stare, indicating James was delving into treacherous waters with that unfair quip. Distracted by an itch, possibly a monkey flea, he scampered off into a high street stationer come book shop, riffling through the bin for a specifically dated dog-eared edition of the Telegraph.
Glimpsing at the content, the Monkey King rolled up the newspaper into a tube, firstly using it as a back-scratching device and then started whacking James mockingly as if a fly was on his forehead…and then ….he dropped it back into the bin of course, the monkey was no litterbug.
James sighed relief.
Actions often spoke larger than words, the monkey agreed with the truth and sincerity of the content, but not with the author’s non-domiciliary status.
Then as with all European airports these days, the monkey spotted the massive bars of ubiquitous Toblerones on the concessionary stand and decided to aptly pummel him with one of those instead.
Still the Toblerone didn’t break into bit-sized pieces, let alone bite sized ones.
James’ face was peppered with acute red marks from the unforgiving equilateral corners.
The monkey gingerly put the bar back and bought some Cadbury’s hazelnut Dairymilk instead and some Yorkshire tea for the trip, and ran off upstairs to the food court. All that cartoon violence was thirsty work so he headed into the mock-Irish pub to pool-hustle some suited international sales reps, drink some pale ale and put away a kiddies portion fry-up.
The monkey was off on his holidays, he needed time to think, time to find some peace and quiet. He wanted to spend some time with wise men or more likely wise women. The monkey pulled out his mobile and tweeted with his opposable thumbs to James’s twitter account a parting thought…. He put on his monkey specs to see the far distance flight board, yes it was time, time to board the gate to…somewhere where the GDP was happiness.

@dirtylilblunt RV later. TT. IOM. Ferries all booked, any ideas? Bring my lid. thx



Post #210930
Posted 20 March 2012 03:43
Supreme Being

Supreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme Being

Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 04 May 2014 20:40
Posts: 428, Visits: 943
It’s impossible to resist a teasing title like “just spotted james” even if that sighting is well over two years old (BTW, sorry I can’t contribute to the masterful storytelling between themuse & wkdnic . . . I’m still working on reaching “the end of it”!)

It’s always a relief to hear that James, the workaholic with a capital “W,” is actually taking time out for himself , especially around his birthday, and is showing up at swank events such as the Cavalchina Awards in Venice (under the “James Blunt » News » . . . ” thread).

But must say I much prefer the image of James’ just hangin' loose on his home turf with a guitar strapped to his back, exactly the way bluntamaniac daz described the scene when on holiday in Ibiza and was caught off guard to see him in a local garage!

Woa-OH!
Post #211385
Posted 20 March 2012 13:05


Supreme Being

Supreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme BeingSupreme Being

Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 07 November 2016 21:34
Posts: 557, Visits: 805
Yes I am glad too that he is chillaxing
Post #211399
« Prev Topic | Next Topic »

««123»»

All times are GMT, Time now is 9:59am

Powered By InstantForum.NET v4.1.4 © 2019
Execution: 0.091. 6 queries. Compression Disabled.

Privacy Policy | Terms of Use

This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse the site you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Find out more.