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Posted 28 November 2007 09:54
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FLY BUTCHER


A Japanese emperor is looking for a new chief samurai warrior. He has three men apply for the job, gathers them together and intones, "Demonstrate your skills." The first samurai steps forward, opens a tiny box and releases a fly. Then, he draws his sword and swishes it through the air. What was the fly falls to the floor, neatly divided in two.
The second samurai smiles, opens an equally tiny box and releases another fly. He draws the sword, and swishes it twice through the air. This fly falls to the floor neatly quartered.
Finally, the third samurai steps forward, releases another fly, draws his sword, and cuts the blade through the air. The fly lets out a high-pitched sound, and then continues to buzz around the room, albeit rather gingerly.
"What kind of skill is that?" asks the emperor. "The fly isn't even dead."
"Dead is easy," replies the samurai. "But circumcision, now that takes skill."
Post #13587
Posted 28 November 2007 10:00
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Three dogs, a Chihuahua, a Doberman and a bulldog, are all sitting in a bar having a quiet drink when a great-looking female collie strolls in.
She trots up and says: "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a single sentence can have their way with me."
Instantly the Doberman retorts: "I love liver and cheese."
The collie replies: "That's pretty unoriginal, honey. Can either of you do better?"
"If you come back to my place, I'll show you what you can do with liver and cheese…?" offers the bulldog hopefully.
"That's TERRIBLE," snaps the collie. But just as the Doberman and bulldog are about to round on her, the Chihuahua cuts in: "Liver alone," he says, "cheese with me."
Post #13588
Posted 01 December 2007 16:21
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A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.

After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die.

"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.

"Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag him. Most importantly, make love to him regularly.

"If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"

"He said you're going to die," she replied.

.........................................................................................................

*pretty twisty eh?
Post #13589
Posted 03 December 2007 05:47
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There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.

After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says,

"Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"

The third fellow says "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."

The first two guys were amazed. "What happened then?" they asked. "She said, 'get out from under the bed and fight like a man'."

.....................................................................................................
ain't love just wonderful?
Post #13590
Posted 03 December 2007 20:05
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Old couple anniversary SEX

An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small tavern.The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years a go? We went behind this tavern where you leaned against the fence and I made love to you."

"Yes," she says, "I remember it well." "OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll round
there again and we'll see if we can do it again for old time's sake.

"Oooooooh, James ,you old devil, that sound like a good idea," she answers.

There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this,having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, "I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's not any trouble."

So he follows them.

They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make
their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt, takes her knickers down and the old man drops his trousers.
She turns around and as she hangs on to the fence,the old man moves in. Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen.

They are bucking and jumping like eighteen-year-olds.
This goes on for about forty minutes! She's yelling, "Ohhh, God!"
He's hanging on to her hips for dear life. This is the most athletic sex imaginable. Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he's learned something about life that he didn't know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering,the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, still watching thinks, "that was truly amazing - that old man was going like a train-I've got to ask him what his secret is."

As the couple pass, he says to them, "That was something else. You had sex for about forty minutes. How do you manage it? You must have had a fantastic life together. Is there some sort of secret?"

The old man says, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."

..................................................................................................

*hard to keep that one 'clean'
Post #13591
Posted 07 December 2007 13:37


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A man walks into a bar, and starts to queue for a pint. While he's waiting he spots a dog sat in the corner, licking its bollocks. So he turns to the guy next to him and says "Ha! Wish I could do that!"

and the guy replies: "Buy him a hamburger and he might let you!"
Post #13592
Posted 13 December 2007 13:40
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James- this is 1 my sister emailed me:

Two buddies were out one Saturday, walking their dogs. One had a Doberman Pinscher and the other had a Chihuahua. As they sauntered down the street, the guy with the Doberman said, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat."

The guy with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."

The one with the Doberman said, "Just follow my lead." They walked over to the restaurant and the guy with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in.

The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, Mac, no pets allowed."

The man with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."

The bouncer said, "A Doberman pinscher?"

The man said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good."

The bouncer let him in.

His buddy with the Chihuahua put on his pair of dark glasses and started to walk in.

Once again the bouncer said, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed."

The man with the Chihuahua said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."

The bouncer said, "A Chihuahua?"

The man exclaimed, "A Chihuahua? They gave me a Chihuahua?!"
Post #13593
Posted 15 December 2007 09:35
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how many divorced men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

No one knows - they never get the house anyway.
Post #13594
Posted 20 December 2007 18:27
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Cat's Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house
Not a creature was stirring,
Not even a mouse.

'Cuzz the cat had pounced on him
And tore him apart -
Ate his mouse intestines
And chewed up his heart.

Kitty thought he heard sleighbells,
Which made him take pause -
He stopped daintily licking
The blood from his claws.

"Must be Santa," thought Kitty
(That quite clever cat)
'Cuz nobody else climbs down
The chimney like that.

Indeed it was ol' Santa
So jolly and fat
With a huge load of presents
And all for the cat!

"Wow, the best Christmas ever!"
Kitty thought with a purr,
Then he coughed up a hairball
And shed some more fur!




aaaaaand this sung with gusto to the music of that classic Christmas carol

Winter Wonderland

Lacy things -- the wife is missin',
Didn't ask -- her permission,
I'm wearin' her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.

In the store -- there's a teddy,
Little straps -- like spaghetti,
It holds me so tight,
Like handcuffs at night,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.

In the office there's a guy named Melvin,
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown.

He'll say, "Are you ready?" I'll say,"Whoa, Man!"
"Let's wait until our wives are out of town!"

Later on, if you wanna,
We can dress -- like Madonna,
Put on some eyeshade,
And join the parade,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear!

Lacy things... missin',
Didn't ask... permission,
Wearin' her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.

Walkin' 'round in women's underwear,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear!


yes, it is almost Christmas and god DOES have a sense of humor ..

** some seasonal frivolity for you babe. xox
Post #13595
Posted 20 December 2007 19:44
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You Know You've Had Too Much Christmas Cheer When...

1. You notice your tie sticking out of your fly.
2. Someone uses your tongue for a coaster.
3. You start kissing the portraits on the wall.
4. You see your underwear hanging from the chandelier.
5. You have to hold on to the floor to keep from sliding off.
6. You strike a match and light your nose.
7. You take off your shoes and wade in the potato salad.
8. You hear someone say, "Call a priest!"
9. You hear a duck quacking and it's you.
10. You complain about the small bathroom after emerging from the closet.
11. You refill your glass from the fish bowl.
12. You tell everyone you have to go home... and the party's at your place.
13. You ask for another ice cube and put it in your pocket.
14. You yawn at the biggest bore in the room... and realize you're in front of the hall mirror.
15. You pick up a roll, and butter your watch.
16. You suggest everyone stand and sing the national budget.
17. You're at the dinner table and you ask the hostess to pass a bedpan.
18. You take out your handkerchief and blow your ear.
19. You tell your best joke to the rubber plant.
20. You realize you're the only one under the coffee table.

yep you gotta be just a little bit * c*r*a*z*y* to truly enjoy the holiday "spirit"...
Post #13596
Posted 20 December 2007 19:51
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Question: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Answer: Snowflakes.

Question: What's red and white and gives presents to good little fish on Christmas?
Answer: Sandy Claws.

Question: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Answer: Ribbon hood.

Question: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
Answer: So he can ho-ho-ho.

Question: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Answer: Frostbite.
Post #13597
Posted 20 December 2007 19:57
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You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You go up to her and say, "Hi, I'm great in bed, how about it?".
- That's Direct Marketing.

You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You give your friend a tenner. She goes up and says "Hi, my friend over there is great in bed, how about it?".
- That's Advertising.

You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You somehow mop up her mobile number. You call and chat her up a while and then say "Hi, I am great in bed, how about it?"
- That's Tele-Marketing.

You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You recognize her. You walk up to her, refresh her memory and get her to laugh and giggle and then suggest, "Hi, I am great in bed, how about it?".
- That's Customer Relationship Management.

You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You put on your spring boots and walk around playing Mr. Busy. You put on your best smile and walk around being Mr. Congenial. You fresh all the Thesaurus links in your memory and play Mr. Polished. You stand straight, you talk soft and smooth, you open the door for the ladies, you smile like a dream, you set an aura around you playing the Mr. Gentleman and then you move up to the girl and say, "Hi, I am great in bed, how about it?".
- That's Hard Selling.

You go to a party, you see an attractive girl across the room. SHE COMES OVER and says, "Hi, I hear you're great in bed, how about it?"

- Now THAT is the power of Branding.....

"cowboys do it better..."
Post #13598
Posted 20 December 2007 23:03
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LFO - Hooked On You

Hooked on You
Hooked on you
And all the things you do
Hooked on you
You got me

(1st Verse)
It's 5 past 3 as I stare at this old tv
And curse my friends for introducing you to me
Now what do I say, what do I do
To break these ties
When you look at me I see destruction in your eyes
Everybody said to walk away from you
But there ain't nothing in this world
That makes me feel the way you do

(Chorus)
You got me hooked on you
And all the things you do
It's that dangerous style
And that sexy smile
Just can't break away from you
I've gotta tell you girl
It's true
You got me hooked on you

(2nd Verse)
It's 10 past 4, I'm staring at an open door
My heart says go but I'm just lying on the floor
Now what do I say, what do I do
To break this chain
When I look at you, feels like I'm goin' insane
Everybody said to walk away from you
But there ain't nothing in this world
That makes me feel the way you do

(Chorus)
You got me hooked on you
And all the things you do
It's that dangerous style
And that sexy smile
Just can't break away from you
I've gotta tell you girl
It's true
You got me hooked on you
Thinkin' about tomorrow and the days to come
I need a fix, I'm in the mix, there ain't nowhere to run
Do you know you got me at home poppin' Prozac
Dreamin' about the day when I might have some more control
That style that you got, it's somewhat addictive
C'mon, c'mon, I find peace in the liquid
C'mon, c'mon, but you're just so vindictive
Could I be faded to this pain, I'm so jaded Everybody said to walk away from you
But there ain't nothing in this world
That makes me feel the way you do

(Chorus)
You got me hooked on you
And all the things you do
It's that dangerous style
And that sexy smile
Just can't break away from you
I've gotta tell you girl
It's true
You got me hooked on you

** not a joke.. for real.. just so Billy wouldn't delete this.. I put it here xxx
Post #13599
Posted 21 December 2007 09:32
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Innovative Uses for Fruitcake

- Hold up your car when changing tires

- Slice and use for poker chips

- Use it to carve your turkey on

- Use as replacement for Duraflame log

- Take it camping with you...use it to weigh down the tent

- Use it as a seat at a stadium event

- Stand on it when you change a lightbulb

- Put it in the back of your car/truck for snow/ice driving

- Replaces free weights when you work out

- Use as book ends at the school library
Post #13600
Posted 21 December 2007 09:33
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First Ham

A young couple got married. When the wife prepared to bake a ham to celebrate their first Thanksgiving, she carefully cut off each end before placing it in the pan.

Her husband asked her why she did that and she replied, "I don't know - it's what my mother always did. But I can ask her."

She called Mom, who responded, "I always saw your Grandma do it, so I did the same."

They decided to check further, so the young woman called Grandma, who explained, "It was the only way I could get it to fit into my pan."
Post #13601
Posted 21 December 2007 09:35
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Messing With Santa's Head
- Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy." Leave another plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that says, "For Santa"

- Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime."

- Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections.

- While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire.

- Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa's sure to see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And he's got a red nose!" and fire a gun.

- Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.

- Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning bill.

- Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you've been "trampled." Threaten to sue.

- Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us."
Post #13602
Posted 21 December 2007 09:36
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Animal Crackers

A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table.

"What are you doing?" his mother asked.

"The box says not to eat them if the seal is broken" the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal."
Post #13603
Posted 21 December 2007 09:37
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Three old men

Three old men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three?"

"274" was his reply.

The doctor worriedly says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?"

"Tuesday" replies the second man.

The doctor sadly says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three"?

"Nine" says the third man.

"That's great!" exclaims the doctor. "How did you get that"?

"Jeez, Doc, it's pretty simple," says the third man. "I just subtracted 274 from Tuesday."
Post #13604
Posted 22 December 2007 15:27
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An Internet Christmas


T'was the Internet Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Net,
There were hacker's a surfing. Nerds? Yeah, you bet.
The e-mails were stacked by the modem with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.


The newbies were nestled all snug by their screens,
While visions of Java danced in their dreams.
My wife on the sofa and me with a snack,
We just settled down at my rig (it's a Mac).

When out in the Web there arose such a clatter,
I jumped to the site to see what was the matter.
To a new page my Mac flew like a flash,
Then made a slight gurgle. It started to crash!!

I gasped at the thought and started to grouse,
Then turned my head sideways and clicked on my mouse.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
My Mac jumped to a page that wasn't quite clear.

When the image resolved, so bright and so quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick!
More rapid than mainframes, more graphics they came,
Then Nick glanced toward my screen, my Mac called them by name;

"Now Compaq! Now Acer!", my speaker did reel;
"On Apple! On Gateway!" Santa started to squeal!
"Jump onto the circuits! And into the chip!
Now speed it up! Speed it up! Make this thing hip!"

The screen gave a flicker, he was into my "Ram",
Then into my room rose a full hologram!
He was dressed in all red, from his head to his shoes,
Which were black (the white socks he really should lose).

He pulled out some discs he had stored in his backpack.
Santa looked like a dude who was rarin' to hack!
His eyes, how they twinkled! His glasses, how techno!
This ain't the same Santa that I used to know!

With a wink of his eye and a nod of his head,
Santa soon let me know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, gave my Mac a quick poke,
And accessed my C drive with only a stroke.

He defragged my hard drive, and added a "Dimm",
Then threw in some cool games, just on a whim!
He worked without noise, his fingers they flew!
He distorted some pictures with Kai's Power Goo!

He updated Office, Excel and Quicken,
Then added a screensaver with a red clucking chicken!
My eyes widened a bit, my mouth stood agape,
As he added the latest version of Netscape.

The drive gave a whirl, as if it were pleased,
St. Nick coyly smiled, the computer appeased.
Then placing his finger on the bridge of his nose,
Santa turned into nothing but ones and zeros!

He flew back into my screen and through my uplink,
Back into the net with barely a blink.
But I heard his sweet voice as he flew from my sight,
"Happy surfing to all, and to all a good byte!"

http://www.christmas-jokes.info/
Post #13605
Posted 22 December 2007 17:59
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A blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell anything called bottom deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures him that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more. I'm sorry says the pharmacist, we don't have any.

But i always get it here, says the blonde.

Do you have the container it comes in?

Yes. says the blonde, i will go and get it.

She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist, who looks at it and says to her, this is a normal stick of underarm deodorant.

The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container, to apply, push up bottom.
Post #13606
Posted 22 December 2007 18:05
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When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed. "Good heavens," he said, "what is this?"

"Why, it's bean soup," she replied.

"I don't care what it has been," he sputtered. "What is it now?"
Post #13607
Posted 22 December 2007 18:15
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There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, "Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!"

After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, "Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!"

And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, "Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!"

The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was US$300.

The Japanese exclaimed, "Wah... so expensive!"

There upon, the driver yelled back, "Meter, very fast! Made in Japan!"
Post #13608
Posted 22 December 2007 18:16
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Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. "I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said the first guy. "Bet you $10 he won't," said the second guy.

Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first guy the money.

"I can't take your money," said the first guy. "I cheated you. The same story was on the five o'clock news." "No, no. Take it," said the second guy. "I saw the five o'clock news too. I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"
Post #13609
Posted 28 December 2007 11:43
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Toothbrush Sales

The kids filed back into class Monday morning.

They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then share with the class how they were successful.

Little Mary led off, "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "my sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my success."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Little Sally was next, "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them abreast of current events."

"Very good, Sally," said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467" he said.

"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"

"Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.

"Toothbrushes?" echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough toothbrushes to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a chocolate chip cookie stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample.

They all said, “This tastes like MUD!" Then I replied, “It is. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"
Post #13610
Posted 31 December 2007 16:18
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The Smartest
Three men were walking through a park when they suddenly came upon a river. "I wonder how we are going to cross this river?" said one man.

Then a genie appeared before them and said,"I will grant you each one wish so you can cross the river."

The first man said,"I want some strong muscles!" Poof! he had strong muscles! He began to swim across the river but nearly drowned half way.

The second man, seeing this mistake wished for strong muscles AND wood. He built himself a raft. He too attempted to cross the river but half way through, his raft sank and he had to swim the rest of the way.

The third man, seeing these two mistakes thought for a while. "Hmmm...Aha! I wish to be a woman!" Poof! He had turned into a woman!

The woman pulled out a map, located the nearest bridge on it, and hiked about 5 feet to it and crossed it.

Sorry James and Billy.
I really couldn't resist not posting this.
Hope your not offended!
Post #13611
Posted 02 January 2008 16:58
Supreme Being

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don't be offended (men).....




How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?





one


men will screw anything. i warned youlol
Post #13612
Posted 02 January 2008 17:51
Supreme Being

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Q. Why did they invent kyeboards?
A. So musicians would have someplace to put their beers.

Q. What do you get if you drop a piano on a army base?
A. A flat major.

Q. What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A. A music critic.

Q. What do you throw a drowning guitar player?
A. His amp.
Post #13613
Posted 02 January 2008 18:53
Supreme Being

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Since we all have moms or are moms, here's to them!

WHY GOD MADE MOMS
Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of ?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My Mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms & dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.
Post #13614
Posted 02 January 2008 20:30
Supreme Being

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Q. How many boy bands does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. We don't know, lightbulbs lasts longer than most boy bands.

Q. How do you sell absolutely anything to a 11 year old?
A. Write the word urban on it.

Q. What happen when James Blunt fell into a pencil sharpener?
A. He became James Sharp.

The spice girls have reformed and are asking cher to join them.
They're calling her old spice.
Post #13615
Posted 02 January 2008 22:16
Supreme Being

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q: what do winnie the pooh and jack the ripper have in common?
a: the same middle name!!!!!


*JBsYoungestFans - that was so cute!!!*
Post #13616
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