James Blunt

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Posted 08 November 2007 21:22
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Got any jokes to make James laugh.

What to you say to a mexican carpet layer?
Underlay underlay.
Post #13557
Posted 08 November 2007 22:26
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Don't get it.
Post #13558
Posted 08 November 2007 23:06
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what did the dumb blonde say after she finished having sex?
((((like do you all come from the same team?)))
Post #13559
Posted 09 November 2007 00:41
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hebahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i luv it.
Post #13560
Posted 09 November 2007 02:31
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James

So there was these two blondes with huge hooters playing with glass *******...

LOL! oh just ask Billy about the punchline to that one. it might be in a deleted thread!
Post #13561
Posted 09 November 2007 12:21


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James

What's the difference between a battery and a man?

A battery has a positive side!

Only joking I swear. Hold you and other males in VERY high esteem.

Rebecca

X
Post #13562
Posted 09 November 2007 14:45


Supreme Being

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Ok...my 10yr old told me to tell you this one, bro...

Did you hear about the pig who knew karate?

Yeah, he was a pork CHOP!


Err...ok, what do you want from a 10yr old? lol


Spinning on my heels....so far away from real <3
Post #13563
Posted 20 November 2007 06:58
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Apples and Wine


Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the
tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are
afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the
apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. The apples at the top
think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They
just have to wait for the right person to come along, the one who is brave enough
to climb all the way to the top of the tree.


Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable enough to have dinner with.

lol im a guy and can admit that and yes i reached and gotten hit in the face
Post #13564
Posted 20 November 2007 15:17
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^^^ I suppose as a woman I will consider lots of "wine" now as opposed to Valium? lol!
Post #13565
Posted 20 November 2007 15:24


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A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at
him. She says hello. He's rather taken a back because he can't place
where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?"

To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful
to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor
party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching
while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."
Post #13566
Posted 20 November 2007 15:33


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Very good Fortis - that made me smile lol.
Post #13567
Posted 20 November 2007 16:27
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yes a good one indeed.
Post #13568
Posted 20 November 2007 17:48
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Here James, this should make you laugh;

why did the man throw veggies all over the world?


He wanted PEAS on Earth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*ha ha ha ha*
Post #13569
Posted 21 November 2007 11:41


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very good JIMH and very topical!
Post #13570
Posted 21 November 2007 16:30


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This would be a great joke for James to show his bandmates

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gkmj5aiLM5g


*snickers*
Post #13571
Posted 21 November 2007 18:52
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diehard thats so freaky! i jumped out of the computer chair!
Post #13572
Posted 21 November 2007 19:27


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lol me too! Thanks for posting
Post #13573
Posted 21 November 2007 20:36


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that was scary!
Post #13574
Posted 21 November 2007 23:05


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My biology teacher show that to us this past monday.
Post #13575
Posted 22 November 2007 02:14
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omg diehard why??? whats the point of the ad?
Post #13576
Posted 22 November 2007 05:09


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Well she was giving a lecture about the nervous system, the flight or fight response, how does certain nervous systems work etc, etc. It was fun.
Post #13577
Posted 22 November 2007 09:42


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Biology was never like that in my day, she say rocking in her chair by the fire! lol
Post #13578
Posted 22 November 2007 10:08
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Shopping!
A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding the most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in the second. In the third everything had just been reduced to a fiver when her mobile phone rang. It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU. The woman told the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that she'd be there as soon as possible.
As she hung up she realized she was leaving what was shaping up to be her best day ever in the shops. She decided to get in a couple of more shops before heading to the hospital.

She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a cup of coffee and a beautiful coffee slice complimentary from the last shop She was jubilant. Then she remembered her husband.

Feeling guilty, she dashed to the hospital. She saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about her Husband's condition. The lady doctor glared at her and shouted, 'You went ahead and finished your shopping trip didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself in town, your husband has been languishing in the Intensive Care Unit! It's just as well you went ahead and finished, because it will be more than likely the last shopping trip you ever take! For the rest of his life he will require round the clock care. And you'll now be his carer!' The woman was feeling so guilty she broke down and sobbed.

The doctor then chuckled and said, 'I'm just pulling your leg. he's dead. What'd you buy?'
Post #13579
Posted 22 November 2007 10:33


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Paulyn that is so wicked!
Post #13580
Posted 22 November 2007 10:35
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What and you expected anything else off me? LOL
Post #13581
Posted 22 November 2007 10:37


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As if! ROFL
Post #13582
Posted 25 November 2007 14:42


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This is my husband's contribution!

What is the difference between the England football team and Lewis Hamilton?

Lewis Hamilton has a McLaren!!!

Rebecca
x
Post #13583
Posted 27 November 2007 16:26
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Why don't we have a thread where James posts jokes for us to read?
Post #13584
Posted 27 November 2007 16:36


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A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.

The seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"

The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."

"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"?

"Well", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."

"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"?

"A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.

"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?," the sailor asked incredulously.
"Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with my hook"
Post #13585
Posted 28 November 2007 07:53
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Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe, ran out to the driveway and brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.
Post #13586
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